Dear President Obama,

It's been such a long time since I wrote in my blog but recently I felt compelled to write to our President.  It pretty much sums up the past 4 years of my life so I decided to post the letter on my blog.

October 15, 2012

Dear President Obama,

I thought of writing this letter many times but hesitated because I thought your eyes would never see it, that an aide would read it or that it would end up on a pile of thousands or even millions of letters. My name is Monique and I want to share my story.

Exactly Four years ago in 2008, I was so ready for change. At the time, I had been out of work for seven months. At the time it was the longest I ever went without working since I was 14 years old. I was laid off from a job that I dedicated seven years of my life to and the future looked bleak. My son was 16 months old and I was in a dysfunctional relationship where my partner was barely present. The next four years proved to be both the best and worst of my life. Immediately after I voted for you, things began to look up just a bit. I took a 20 thousand dollar pay cut and found a temporary position which I was grateful for nonetheless. My dysfunctional relationship was finally over in 2009 and a month later, I found out I was pregnant again. Times were tough and I knew they would get tougher but through it all, I knew that things could only get better.  After my one year contract was up and I was eight months pregnant, my contract was not renewed. I was nervous about the future but I still had hope. I gave up my apartment that I loved and moved back home with my parents. Through cobra, I still had health insurance, or so I thought. In February of 2010, I gave birth to my daughter, a joy beyond belief for me, even though my entire pregnancy was stressful.  In April, my health benefits via Cobra were denied and when I appealed spoke to many people and sent letters, in the end, I was told that I had to pay for the birth of my daughter, a costly c-section. To this day, I continue to get letters in the mail for bills I cannot pay. I am being sued and there is nothing I can do because I have no possible way to pay.

Being Latina, unmarried, pregnant, and not even with the father, although I was educated, I fell into many stereotypes. The one thorn in my side was that I never finished my bachelor’s degree even though I left school in the 90’s a few credits shy of achieving that goal.  I could not find a job, although I tried every day. Once I realized how difficult the job market had gotten, I decided to finish my degree. I went back to Rutgers University, where I originally went to school, and with an infant (who I was still nursing) and a toddler, I studied hard, barely slept for an entire year and earned the degree I so desperately wanted for so long. I knew that finishing my degree, after 14 years away from school, was so important not only for me, but to set an example for my children to never give up and always follow your dreams.  On Sunday, May 15, 2011 it poured the day of my graduation, but in my cap & gown and scarlet umbrella, I could not have been happier. Hearing Pomp and Circumstance as I walked onto the football field, I cried and choked back sobs. 

Unfortunately, graduation came and went and although I started looking for work with new determination, I could not even secure an interview. The game had changed. Thousands of resumes sent into the abyss of cyberspace, I could not even get an interview. That November, the two years that I was on unemployment exhausted my benefits and I had nothing.  I liquidated the last of my retirement fund and was thankful that my children were small and did not understand my financial situation. Still grateful to my parents, I paid them a small amount of rent all this time because I have never been a freeloader but by the end of the year I did not even have money for that symbolic thread of pseudo-independence. I thought I hit rock bottom… then I really did. I broke my foot in my own home going down the stairs in an unfortunate accident.  Broken foot, no job, no prospects, I continued to look for work to no avail.  I was bedridden for 6 weeks and had limited mobility for the last 2 weeks of my injury. For 3 months I had barely any money. For a month I kept my last $10 in my wallet for an emergency, praying that I did not have to use it. In March of 2011, my car broke down for good and I found a temporary job, again, bitter sweet, but at least the sun was shining. Because of my gracious mother, who took me to work and picked me up every day, while also caring for my daughter all day and my son after school, I was able to do well at work. I really thought things were looking up for me, they could not possibly get worse, but they did. The “temp to perm” job that I got turned out to only be a temporary job and my assignment was over after only four months. I was able to be approved for unemployment for 14 weeks, which I am grateful for, but I do know time is running out and come November, I will find myself without a job or money and overstaying my welcome. There is only so much my parents can do to help. My Dad just retired this year and my mom is already retired. I am a college graduate with experience and I cannot find a job that can support me and my family. I look everyday but have found nothing. I am not whining or complaining. I am grateful to God that I have my health, that my children are healthy and happy and that I have a family that can provide a roof over my head at the very least. 

I wanted to share my story with you, Mr. President, because even though these past four years have tested my strength, I have been humbled in a way that I cannot be upset about. I am appreciative of what I DO have and I look forward to what I can accomplish, given the opportunity. I am grateful for these four years, as bitter sweet as they have been.  What I am terrified of, is if Mr. Romney wins the election. To him, I am just one of the 47% “expecting a handout.” I do not expect a handout. I worked hard for 21 years of my life and now that I am experiencing an unfortunate hiccup in my career, I feel I am being ostracized for it, made to feel 2^nd class, lazy or unworthy. It is a sad catch 22. I’ve had potential employers straight out ask me “why are you applying for this position?” for jobs that I am over qualified for, but no one wants to give me a chance for the jobs I am qualified for or almost qualified for if given the opportunity to step up to the plate.

I know that you promised Change, but as you and your inspiring wife have said many times, Change takes time. I will vote for you come November, that I can say right now. I just hope that you think of those out there like me, struggling.  Although it is said that education is power, I do not feel very powerful right now. President Obama, please show me that my decision on November 6^th is the right one. Do not forget me. I will pray for you, your team and of course your family. I ask that you please pray for me, even if it is one time.

God Bless you

Warm regards,

Monique, NJ.

Until my next post, I remain, The Phoenix Mom... rising from the ashes.

New Beginnings

We often get wrapped up in our lives, school, work, family etc. and sometimes we forget to be thankful for lifes miracles and the wonderful gifts we are given.  I have a friend that had a lump on her breast.  The biopsy came out inconclusive because the mass was solid and she had to have surgery. 

Many people, including myself, prayed for her and she was found cancer free.  This is a faithful woman of God with a beautiful family, loving husband, and 3 truly great kids.  I'm so thankful that the cancer scare turned out to be just a scare and not a reality.  I don't have much else to say, but a great big thank you to God and to everyone who banded together in prayer.  I truly believe prayer changes lives.

Until my next post, I remain, The Phoenix Mom... rising from the ashes.

I Haven't Studied In How Long?

As I begin my second and final semester, I'm reminded of my first day of school back in September of 2010.  Going back to school after so many years was scary, exciting, nerve wrecking, and wonderful all at the same time.  Compared to the first time I went to school, advances in technology, made life as a student so much easier in many ways but it was up to me to figure out how much had changed.  The best parts included instant online registration and websites like Sakai that help provide students with a one stop shop for keeping communication lines open with classmates and professors.  The confusing parts included walking around a campus that was familiar but foreign at the same time.  So much had changed but a lot was still the same. 

Through mature eyes and a more intense focus, I found myself drinking up the collegiate atmosphere since I had been starved of adult interaction for so long.  I could name every character and sing every song from "Yo Gabba Gabba" but I longed for intellectual conversation, and classroom debate.  My first day of school I was afraid that I wouldn’t blend in, and narcissistically I didn’t want to be the “old” student in class.  Much to my delight, when students found out I had kids and were in awe, it definitely boosted my ego.  I even had a classmate ask me sheepishly if I was a teen mom.  Bless her soul, she definitely made my semester!

I had to retrain my brain and get into school mode.  Although the classes were rewarding, finding time to read became a challenge.  My daughter was having issues going to sleep at a decent hour and since I was still nursing her, it became quite a challenge.  I spent many nights studying until 3am only to wake up 3-4 hours later and start all over again.  While it was happening, I kept thinking, "what did I get myself into?" but I was determined to press on.  After all of my hard work, I ended the semester with the best grades I ever got... 3 A's and a B+.

Now that I'm invested and I'm at the homestretch, my new challenge is keeping up with the classes I'm taking now.  They are all Senior level classes with the expectations to go with it.  I'm working on setting up my plan of action in order to balance all of the reading I have to do.  At the very least I have 80 pages of material a week to read, and I'm already thinking of my final class projects, 3 of which include research papers of 20 pages each.  It's going to be a challenging semester.

In addition to my school work, I'm working with my 3 year old on improving his motor skills which are lagging.  He's having trouble holding a pencil correctly and although he recognizes and can spell his name, he can't quite write it.  He also is a bit behind in expressing himself vocally.  I see his frustration, he knows what he wants to say but can't get the words out so I'm on the hunt for a speech therapist in Bergen County.  Busy, busy busy.  I've got my work cut out for me.  Right now I can only see ahead one week at a time.  Until my next post, I remain, The Phoenix Mom... rising from the ashes.

My First Entry - Starting school after 14 years!

According to Dictionary.com, a Phoenix is: a mythical bird of great beauty fabled to live 500 or 600 years in the Arabian wilderness, to burn itself on a funeral pyre, and to rise from its ashes in the freshness of youth and live through another cycle of years: often an emblem of immortality or of reborn idealism or hope.  For me, the symbol of the Phoenix is powerful because it tells the story of my life.  Whether by choice or not, I have had to reinvent myself many times throughout my life.  The reason behind the Phoenix is that through change, I’ve always tried to keep a positive outlook and make each experience count.  In this blog, I hope to share my experiences as a non-traditional student balancing motherhood, school & career.

Back in the 90’s I was a student at Rutgers University.  Due to personal issues beyond my control, I had to leave school one semester short of graduating.  I never obtained my degree and it became the thorn in my side for many years.  In between, I had various jobs, some I loved and some I tolerated with a smile.  In 2008 I was laid off after 7 years of service at a job that I once loved but towards the end noticed was changing and suffered the consequence of cutbacks that many of us are still experiencing.  I always meant to go back to school but there was always an obstacle… a promotion at work that required a lot of travel, the birth of my first born and a number of other “excuses.”  I did find a temporary job, but it ended after a year so in December of 2009, right before Christmas, I found myself 7 months pregnant and out of a job.  Initially it was a good thing.  I had my daughter in February and by May I was ready to go back to work.  The problem was that I searched and searched and probably went for the same jobs that thousands were applying for.  I’ve worked consistently since I was 14 years old and was never comfortable not working but now it was a question of necessity and being able to provide for my family. 

When I found that I wasn’t even getting any interviews I decided that now was the best time to go back to school.  With the help of my mother (who is truly a saint!), I started school in September of 2010 on the same day that my son started pre-school.  Fortunately he was in school when I was in school and my mother helped by caring for my infant daughter.  It’s a sacrifice not only for me but my family, however, it’s a sacrifice that will pay off tremendously and at least I know in my heart that I will be setting a great example for my kids.  Although I’m currently starting my last semester now, in my next blog post, I will recount my experiences going back to school after 14 years and getting through it all last semester.  Until then, I remain, The Phoenix Mom… rising from the ashes.